I eat dinner at 5pm, a snack at 6:30pm and a snack at 8pm. I should be set for a restful night, not full of waking and feeling starved. I awake at 12:30 pm, and begin tossing and turning, thinking it was Felicity who woke me up, but as I continue with the flopping, I realized it was the new little one and I am famished! and feel like puking my guts out... I resist awhile before sleep goes further and further from my eyes and know I must eat something. I grab a graham cracker by my bed and munch on it while I make my 1/3 of a glass of water last. At this point I am feeling worse but hope as soon as i can get the cracker out of my teeth I can pass out again. I try, and try, and try...suddenly I lean over and whisper to my husband, "I need the Greek yogurt," he mumbles in his sleep, "huh, I don't know where it is?" I repeat myself as he slowly comes out of his peaceful slumber, sits up, rubs his eyes and stumbles downstairs to retrieve my request. I sit up, try not to gulp it down so I don't feel sicker but its not hard because I gag the whole time and can barely put each bite in my mouth- I ignore it and finish. As soon as I do Felicity awakens, "mama? leche mama," so I nurse here and groan because her weight hurts my belly and my belly hurts my belly. I finally get back to sleep hoping that this time, since I ate a whole Greek yogurt with lots of protein I will get some gooooood sleep until morning.
4am, Felicity requests to nurse again, I give her back her soothie, tell her to go to sleep, throw some clothes on, fumble downstairs as quick as I can and practically shout at Arturo that I need something to eat! He jumps up as I throw myself into my chair and moan in pain, he gives me his apple and peanut butter he just prepared for his own breakfast. The apple tastes good but the peanut butter is repulsive, I eat it anyway, need the protein. He then gives me toast with cottage cheese and honey, I force down half of it. By this time, as I knew it would, I begin feeling worse and worse; but I keep eating, cause I have to, its the only thing that will help in the end. I still feel famished but also think I might hurl, hubby brings me a bowl just in case and a fruit/protein shake; I take a few sips.
Then I can't help myself, I begin crying, and crying and crying. I mumble, "I hate this, it hurts so much, this is stupid, so uncomfortable, I wish it would go away..." Husband gentle reminds me, "think of Felicity, its all for a sweet precious child that you are going through this for." He gives me a tissue, some kisses and comforts me. In the end I fall asleep in my chair; I rotate every 1/2 hour as one half of my body falls asleep and take a couple sips of my smoothie. By 6:30, I sit up and beginning chatting a little to my poor husband who is hard at work and yet needs to run out the door. I thank him for caring for me and vow to do better today. Yes, well....a yogurt, a cliff bar and a bowl of mac-n-cheese later, I feel like crap, starving yet nauseous and zero energy. I think I will go sit in the sun the rest of the day.
Today is week 8, 4-6 more weeks of this to go. I actually had a couple of good days and thought, "wow, maybe it will be different this time, maybe I won't be as sick...?:)" The Lord is teaching me something, maybe it is just so that I can relate to almost all women who have ever been pregnant. Maybe it is so I learn to be dependent on Him. Maybe it is so that I loose some pride and learn to be humble- excepting that I can't always be perfect and its ok. Whatever it is, I pray that I may learn it. Also, I think pregnant women, at all stages, should be sung the chant, "more power to you!" over and over and over and over and over again. Or something like it, I don't really care what it is, just that it be recognized what we go through for our children.
